This isn't something I want to have to tell you.
I know you're gonna be pissed as fuck, and you should be pissed.
I don't want to be saying all this, Jessa, but, fuck, I have to explore it.
And I can't help it if you're angry,
because the fact is, my higher power, or whatever,
is pushing me to look.
And I'm not sure what Hannah's gonna even say,
but I know what I'm gonna say. I'm just gonna say,
"Look, Hannah, we have a lot of history that we can't seem to erase.
"We can't let each other go, as much as we try,
"so, let me raise this baby with you."
Oh...
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know what she'll say, either.
- Is there anything you want to say to me? - Uhh...
Look, you gotta do what you gotta do.
I'm not a zookeeper.
Come the fuck on. There's something else in there.
Will you just say it?
Spit in my face, punch me. What? Just do it.
Why would I do that? You haven't done anything wrong.
Elijah!
- Elijah! - Look, lady!
I am very frustrated, too, okay?
But I can't get the dial on that air conditioner to move an inch,
and I tried using an actual screwdriver.
Mm.
I gotta ask, why did you wait until you were pregnant
to start wearing halfway decent underwear?
- I don't feel so good. - Well, honey, of course you don't feel good.
It's 127 degrees in here, and we are poor.
You've got a parasite growing inside of you.
Probably both gonna die of heat stroke at any minute.
Oh, God, we're gonna die like those
old people in Queens on New York 1.
I'm too pretty to go to a cooling station.
I don't know, it's just that conversation with Paul-Louis, it really fucked me up.
I've been thinking about it so much.
What is funny about that?
His name. "Paul-Louis."
You know, I just have to wonder, like, am I denying my child
this essential part of their identity, half of who they are?
Imagine who I would be had I never met my father.
Well, you probably wouldn't have known
all the lyrics to Funny Girl by the time you were four.
I'm starting to feel like I was a little naive, thinking this was all gonna be so simple.
Oh, God.
Hannah, this is gonna be a real mindfuck for me
if you wanna get an abortion right now.
- What? - I mean...
I'll do it.
I think there's about two doctors in America
that will do it at this stage in your pregnancy, but I'll find 'em.
I'm not getting an abortion, Elijah, I'm having feelings. It's different.
Jesus Christ.
Speaking of different, those nipples...
Hey.
- Hey. - Hey.
That's a whole lot of pops.
Yeah, I mean, they're for, like, the next three days.
I won't have to keep going back and forth and getting pops.
- What are you doing on my block? - Well, I'm looking for you, actually.
Well, congratulations, you have located me, so...
Could we go outside and talk?
No, actually, 'cause anything you have to say to me,
I'm perfectly comfortable with my friend, Amir, hearing.
He is my close friend.
Okay, fine.
Um...
And also, if you're looking for permission to make a sequel to your movie
that depicts me as, like, Brooklyn's own Zelda Fitzgerald,
minus the talent and the cool, funky hair, then I'm not gonna co-sign on that.
Why don't you try casting someone who vaguely resembles me
and has my gravitas next time, okay?
Just let me know when it's safe for me to leave my house again.
Hannah, I wanna raise your child with you.
I miss you, and I miss being with you.
And I thought I could move on, but hearing about the baby
made me realize we don't have any more time to waste.
Let me show you who I've become.
I wanna be there for you as you become a mother,
I wanna watch you blossom and love this baby
more than anyone has ever loved a living thing.
I don't wanna be away from you any longer.
I'm so confused.
Can we go to your house?
No, let's try this again.
I said that I want the elite channels.
Whatever those are. I don't know what they are.
Animal Planet. And Court TV. I don't know!
I just want to buy the full package of elite channels,
so that I can enjoy a range of programs. Do you understand?
Can you hold on a second? Just...
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm okay.
- Are you okay? Good. - Mmm-hmm.
I kind of feel like we have an audience.
These 97 audio cassettes
contain interviews conducted by my friend and mentor,
Hermie Del Benseur, with Brooklyn's elderly members.
Now, if you were to help us in digitizing these tapes,
you would help us create an accessible platform
where people can experience
the horror of gentrification in a very visceral way.
I'll tell you what it is that I know, Shosh.
There is nothing worse in this world than inheritance, nothing.
- That's why I need to earn this. - Well...
You understand? Genuinely earn it.
Hermie gave me everything that he did, so I can keep his dream alive.
Okay, I don't understand.
Why don't you just stick with the coffee industry,
and, like, you know, relax a little?
I don't know, just, like, chill for a second.
You don't "get it," do you?
- You don't "get it"! - Excuse me.
Do not air quote at me!
I will air quote when I need to air quote to stress a point.
- Okay, well, don't do it... - Shoshanna! Shosh!
Yeah! Baby!
Get out of here! How are you?
Hi! Okay, okay. She's so sweet.
She couldn't be nicer, and you're gonna totally love her,
except for the times that you absolutely hate her
because she just never turns off. She's a lot.
- She's just like... - Hello!
- Hi! - Oh, my God!
I've been looking for you everywhere, dude.
Like, not physically, but I've definitely been dominating your inbox.
- Yep. Totally! I, um... - I miss you!
- This is Ray, by the way. - Hi.
Oh, hi. Hello.
Okay, now, you gotta tell me, what are y'all doing on my block, huh?
You're not trying to rob me, are you? I'm kidding.
I will cut your ass.
Actually, just getting some tapes digitized.
I'm working on a project...
She doesn't need to know about that.
- She was just asking to be nice. - Oh.
What?
Hold on. This haunted-ass building digitizes tapes?
Ray, you've really changed things for me.
The other day, I was watching my Poppies video,
and, Ray, it was like a haunting moment
where I realized that this tape was degrading slowly.
My favorite show growing up was this obscure Russian cartoon
about a tiny cup of borscht that had no father.
The catchphrase was "Papa would be so hungry."
- Shaped me as a child. - That explains so much.
- Yeah, I can't remember what it's called. - Oh, my God. We gotta find it.
So, now, who's gonna buy me lunch?
- Mommy? Friends? - Mommy's not here. Mommy ran off.
She left. She walked out, never came home.
Yeah, she doesn't like being around me.
Yeah, Mommy can't stand Daddy.
Where's your elephant's toes?
Oh, hey, there.
- That was a little loud of a "boo," Jessa. - Oh, please, it's fine.
That was unnecessary, how loud that was.
Children, it's good for them to hear loud noises and strange smells,
and be around strange men, you know?
It's like, you don't want them to be boring, Laird.
Can I get you a tea, or something, or...
Please don't drink from that. Please don't drink from that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, Sample.
All right, it was a bit erratic, I will say,
but I'm not doing great right now. I'm not doing great.
I can't pretend that I don't care that Adam is upstairs right now,
upstairs with Hannah.
They're probably making, like, flow graphs
and chore charts and figuring out how to raise her baby.
- Her baby! - Baby?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hannah's pregnant, and Adam wants to help her raise it.
Mmm-hmm. It's not even his. It's not even his.
It's um... It's like some Bolivian zip line guy's baby.
Hannah's having a Bolivian baby?
Here I go.
Hello?
- No one has talked to this child. - Knock, knock, child.
Hello!
Do you hear something?
Hello, Adam.
Hey. Hey, baby.
Please, help me.
My mom is so weird.
What? What?
Help me!
My mom is so weird!
- Do you think I'm weird? - No.
No?
Seriously, it sounds wild in there.
It's like, it's just insane.
It's rushing...
The sound of waves crashing.
A seashell... It's wild in there.
You can't hear all those things.
Everything is broken.
Like, in the world, or in this house?
- In this house. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
AC, the top lock.
And you did such a shitty job patching that wall.
Elijah did that by himself.
- Was he blindfolded? - It's horrible.
And you're the one who put a giant hole in the wall,
and then we had to patch it, if you remember, so...
I'm sorry.
Excuse me for one second.
What?
Oh!
- Hey, man. - Hey, what's up? Is Hannah here?
- Uh... - Oh!
- Laird! - Hey, Hannah. Sorry!
Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Let me know when you're decent.
Laird, what are you doing here?
- Can I look? - Yes, you can look.
All right, great. Um, really sorry to barge in.
I don't know what's up here.
And if I interrupted something, I'm sorry, but this is important.
I really, really felt like it was important
that I come up here and make it known
to both of you, but mostly you, that I am here
and totally up for raising this baby.
- What the fuck, Laird? No. - I realized why I'm here.
The purpose of my life was to become a junkie,
so I could get better, so I could move into this building,
so I can meet you, and we have that moment, and we establish that base.
And we go away from that, which is fine, 'cause then I met Caroline.
We had a baby, she went away
and ruined everything and destroyed my life
to give me the clarity of this moment, which is, you're having a baby,
you're about to be a single parent. I am a single parent.
It's so crystal clear!
Okay, two sips in and I'm fully soused,
if I'm keeping it real.
Ray, you never drink during the day. What are you doing?
Ah!
It's good to try new things, right?
Abelaide, I couldn't agree with you more.
Whoa!
"Abelaide"? Are you drunk?
- Her name is Abigail. - Abigail.
- Abigail.
- Sorry about that. Abigail. - No, I thought that was really cool.
I liked it. Okay, I have a question for you guys.
It's a little bit of a thinker, so, buckle up.
Would you rather live in an ugly building
with a view of a gorgeous building,
or in a gorgeous building with a view of an ugly building?
Mm?
What?
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
What, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.
No, no, it's not about that. It's just... That's my question.
- It's my question, too. - That's my question.
- That's the question I ask other people. - It's also my question.
I ask it to other people, too.
Because I think it's, like, the best way to kind of get down to the heart of people.
- Totally! - You know, like, see their true self?
Exactly! Their true, deepest, most intimate selves.
Exactly. And, of course, we know the correct answer.
- Yeah, we all do. - Yeah.
Ugly building, gorgeous view.
- No. - No.
- No, Shosh. - Not at all.
No, not even close.
I see why you would wanna say that.
That's, like, what everyone says, you know?
People always think that's the right answer
because it makes them seem deep, or whatever, like,
"Oh, I don't care how things look, blah, blah, blah."
Right, but actually, it's shallow in a weird way
because it implies that you're fine being structurally flawed
as long as you never actually have to see your true self.
- Yeah. Yes! - Right?
You were close, though. Off by one.
I'm just disconcerted.
- I don't understand how you just decided... - It's simple.
I just knew, you know? Well, I knew deep down.
I didn't really know until I heard about the baby.
Then I knew in my actual brain.
You know, but it's simple. There's too much history here.
There's too much good stuff for us not to try.
What about you and Jessa?
Aren't you guys in, like, mad, passionate love?
Aren't you gonna, like, run away together on two bicycles, or...
Oh, you know.
She would've left me in four months. I did us both a favor.
What's it like to fuck Jessa?
Virgin ears.
You have to know that this was, like, my number one question
I've been waiting all day to ask you.
All right. Okay, okay, fine.
There's more laughing. She laughs a lot.
Like, she laughs during sex?
- Yeah. - Like a fucking freak?
Excuse me. I don't wanna judge.
No, like a person who laughs.
Like, she laughs 'cause she's less comfortable with sex
than you'd think she'd be, considering the shape of her body
and the style of her hair?
This is why I didn't wanna do this
- If you're not gonna share anything with me... - Share it with me
- Then you should just know... - Then you should just know
- You look very pretty. - Fuck you.
You know, I've been really scared since I found out.
Like, terrified.
I mean, I didn't wanna tell everyone
'cause I don't want people to think I'm insane.
And I know I want a baby someday,
so, why not make someday now?
But I've been so, so scared.
What if my baby's really sick and it's crying and I don't wake up
because I just took a little piece of an Ambien, but I can't wake up?
What if I feed the baby a piece of food that's too big for it
and it chokes, but its eyes are so wide, that I just think it's, like,
looking at me happily, and then it's dead?
- Jesus! - I could put my kid in a car seat,
and then when I get out to get into the front seat,
a drunk driver gets me, the ambulance comes, takes my body away,
they don't know a baby was back there, and that baby starves to death.
The car gets impounded, the baby's stuck in the car.
Well, uh... I'll be here.
Now, I know you wanna be with me just to make sure I don't fuck everything up.
Why do you want a baby?
You know when you're a teenager and you're not ready to have sex?
- No. - Okay, wrong example
since you lost your virginity at 13 to a lifeguard, or something.
You know when you're a little kid, and you're not ready to have a sleepover?
- Yes! - Yes!
And it's, like, kindergarten or first grade and sleepovers are, like, all the rage
and everyone's doing it every Friday and Saturday night,
and you're just like, "No, I can't.
"I need to be with my mom, I need to have my own sheets,
"I need to have my own toilet. I can't."
- Yes. - And then one day, someone asks you.
They're like, "Would you like to sleep over on Friday?"
And you're like...
"Oh, my God.
"Not only am I ready, I have to be there."
Mine was with a boy named Joel.
- Joel? - Yeah.
His parents kept a bunch of Rottweilers in cages.
- Oh, cool. - I remember this moment
where we were sitting on his couch watching Caddyshack,
and my hand started to shake.
It's what happens when I'm about to puke.
And I thought, "Oh, no!
"This can't happen! If I puke, they'll send me home.
"And if they send me home, I'm fucking nothing!"
- That's so cute. - Yeah, but I was very small.
- So, you know what I did? - What?
- I swallowed it. - You swallowed it?
Yeah, every bit of puke, I just swallowed it.
- No way. - Yeah, yeah.
That's insane!
Well, you know, there's levels of insane,
but, yeah, it was necessary.
And, you know, I made it through it.
And after that, I was the fucking sleepover king.
Don't be scared.
Okay.
- Fucking shit! - What?
You shouldn't have that!
It's full of green dye and sugar syrup, and shit babies shouldn't have!
Fuck!
You bought it for me! I want the rest of my soda!
- Give me my soda! - No.
I can't have any of my soda?
- Hi. - No smoking.
Come on.
Giuliani always let us.
I miss him.
Can I have a seltzer, please? And your sports section.
Thank you.
I don't want you.
I can't... I don't see anything that I really like.
I mean, I guess it's not all gonna look great.
I mean, at the end of the day, it's just not the most chic furniture,
- and that's fine. - Yeah.
Bingo.
- Yeah, I think we need one of those. - We need a couple of these.
Remember, I could build a lot of this shit myself.
The quality will be better.
And it won't be leaking toxic ooze all over our kid.
I figure, to start, you know, I'll just build a crib,
and a simple bureau to hold all the baby shit.
And the top of the bureau, we can use as a changing table,
so, that's cool, too.
And that, you know, that's all you really need.
Oh, plus, one of those...
Bitty bob...
Fuzzy shit that falls from the fucking ceiling. What the fuck's that called?
It's like a lanyard, or a laminate...
Hannah? Hannah?
- Sorry. - Where'd you go?
I was just, like, realizing that I haven't had anyone
to talk about this stuff with, so, I'm just kind of, like,
processing all the stuff that we'll need for the house.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. I'm excited.
I'm just excited to get out of my own fucking head for a while, you know?
Aren't you?
Yeah.
Why didn't you have to work today?
Didn't you just inherit a big coffee empire?
Kind of. It's complicated.
I inherited some properties and some businesses,
but, I don't know.
I guess I'm at a crossroads with all of it because my boss, Hermie,
- my late boss, Hermie... - Yeah.
He started this project,
and I guess, in my own way, I'm trying to continue it, and, I don't know.
I don't have Hermie's natural knack for making conversations.
Just... I don't know. It's not in me.
I'm not as sociable as I ever thought I'd be.
Well, then we should practice.
- Practice? - Mmm-hmm.
What do you mean, practice?
- Hello. - Hello, ladies.
We're trying to make, like, an audio history of Brooklyn.
Can we ask you a couple questions?
How long have you lived in Brooklyn?
- Oh, about almost 90 years. - That's amazing.
What was a typical Friday night in Brooklyn?
Was there ever a boy who managed to come between your beautiful friendship?
- I got him. You don't know that, but I got him. - You didn't! You did not get him.
What would you wear on, like, a night out?
If you could choose one thing, what is it that's changed the neighborhood?
Nowadays, you go down the street, all you see is these SUVs here.
And they even have SUV strollers.
What was it you wanted to know?
Um...
Actually, this special person is gonna ask you the question.
Um, yeah, so, well, what do you miss most about the neighborhood?
What was it about you that he fell in love with?
And why did your family choose to settle in Brooklyn?
I come here for vacation.
You came 40 years ago from Poland for a vacation, and you stayed?
- Never left. - Yes, I stayed vacation.
I miss old-school Brooklyn. I miss block parties.
I miss not having someone complain about the noise,
or complain about anything.
I'm happy to give my apartment up. It's month-to-month anyway.
It's month-to-month? You've lived there for, like, eight years.
Yeah, it's a good deal.
I guess I could give my apartment up. I mean, I'm not gonna kick Elijah out.
He's been, like, such an amazing friend to me
and he's finally really getting somewhere in his life
and trying so hard and...
Yeah, maybe we just find a new place.
There's a lot on Craigslist that doesn't require a broker.
- Yeah, very cool. - Oh, right!
I've been on this list for artist housing for, like, forever.
They tend to favor married couples, though,
so it might help if we did that.
Yeah, and I guess it's time to finally join a food co-op.
It's, like, I don't know, I've never wanted to,
'cause I find the whole shift thing kind of demeaning, but...
Well, I can do them all if you handle the bills and stuff like that.
I'm still not great with computers.
What's the rest of your night look like?
Uh...
I'm gonna go to my house and write, and then probably try to go to sleep.
- You? - I guess I'm gonna grocery shop.
Good soup.
Shit!
- Hello? - Hey, you home?
- Uh-huh. - Go to the window.
If I buzz, will you let me in?
Yeah.
You were good today.
- Me? - Yes!
Are you crazy? It was all you!
You got complete strangers to open up.
- It was unbelievable. - It was teamwork.
Well, you led the charge, I just followed.
I can't handle you saying "led the charge" while you're sitting on a horse.
- It's really fun hanging out with you. - Thanks.
Would you object greatly if I kissed you?